Paired Essay

Taylor Holzfaster
Intercultural Communications
2/2/15
Paired Essay

            When thinking about all the different cultures and backgrounds that each person comes from, there are a lot of questions that often arise as to why people to do, celebrate, cherish, love, and care for the things they do. In our Intercultural Communications class, being given the opportunity to be paired with an African student and learn more about their cultural, what they think of America, and learn conflicts that are apparent when comparing our different cultural backgrounds was simply amazing.

            I was paired with a girl named Neoni Cygodi. She is from Tsolo, Eastern Cape, South Africa, but before coming to America was living in East London, Eastern Cape. She was born on January 30, 1994 and studies at Walter Sisulu University. When I first met Neoni she was kind of shy, but warmed up to me the more we started talking about each of our cultural backgrounds and subjects that interested the both of us. For example, I quickly realized that Neoni and I not only shared a love for shoes, but we also both enjoy spending time with friends and family as well.

            A lot of Neoni and I’s conversations were more generalized at the beginning. She asked me a lot about how I liked growing up in America, Nebraska in particular and the different cultural norms that exist here. She explained to me that she was surprised as to how kind and friendly people were here. She said that back home, she wouldn’t just say hi to someone on the sidewalk that she didn’t know like she does here. She also explained to me that while she is enjoying her time here in Nebraska, she still misses home quite often.

            After getting through all the general questions and background information of each other, I asked Neoni what she thought was the most interesting conflict that arose when she compared our culture here in America to her culture back home. Neoni’s response was something that got me excited because it is something that I was curious to ask her about right when I met her. She explained to me that getting married and the way things work in South Africa are way different then here in America. For example, Neoni explained to me that when a man and a woman want to get married the man must first ask for the woman’s hand in marriage. If the woman agrees, they must then discuss the decision with each of their families. From that point on, the decision on whether the couple can get married or not is discussed usually either between the father/uncle of the bride and grooms families. If the meeting between the families goes well, there is usually a list of things that the groom must bring to the wife’s family in order to get full permission to get married. A list usually includes a cow, a certain amount of money (depends on the family), and sometimes sweets for the mother/father of the bride. However, Neoni clarified to me that each list depends solely on the family and their cultural beliefs. Once the man receives and gives the family of the bride what’s on the list, the couple is given full permission to get married and there is no specific time frame as to how long the couple has until their wedding, they get to make that decision for themselves.

            Hearing all of this information from Neoni not only was a lot to take in, but also was completely shocking to me. There is an incredible amount of conflict and differences that derive when it comes to the subject of marriage in America and South Africa. Neoni was very interested to hear all about how in America the process of marriage is so different from what she is used to. She couldn’t believe that in America, a person must be 18 to get married, and there are a lot of cases when two people get married without the parents’ permission. One thing that Neoni and I found to be the same is the divorce rate in our countries. We discussed how divorce in each of our countries is very common and has happened to families and friends that we know personally.

             My experience with Neoni is something that I will never forget. I feel so honored to have had the chance to meet her and discuss our cultural differences, personal backgrounds, and analyze a cultural moment that we both are very passionate about. Being part of a project like this has made me open my eyes to the world and has made me become more appreciative about different cultures and the people that are apart of them.