Audrey Beedle

COMM 211 – Paired Essay

            I was paired up with Kama Matondo for the paired essay assignment.  Kama is a few years older than me (early twenties) and is from the country of Angola.  Her first language is Portuguese but she speaks English very well. When I first met Kama, she welcomed me with a very warm smile and soft voice.  Compared to some of the other SUSI students I met, Kama was very soft-spoken, kind, and gentle.  She was very easy to talk to and has an extremely warm and welcoming personality.  We went to Greek Side together, which is a Christian youth group type of atmosphere.  It was also my first time there, so neither of us really knew what to expect.  During the program, I made a point to notice the reactions from the SUSI students we went with.  At one point in the service, we were told to ask our peers “Who has loved you best and why?”  Most of us answered with our mother, or our parents, but Kama said God.  She explained that no matter what we do God always loves us equally and will not judge us as people do.  I asked her briefly about her religious views and she explained that she is Christian and is very close to God.  Kama asked me if I go to church and said that I used to, but that I haven’t had as much time to lately.  She seemed genuinely cared about me and encouraged me to find time to go to church if I can.  I found it very touching that she cared to provide some spiritual encouragement and it made me realize that it is such a big part of her life, and of many of my peers lives and it is very important to identify your own spiritual path to have the most fulfilling life possible, even if it differs from those around you.

            After Greek Side, we talked about the traditional marriage customs in Angola and in the United States.  As Kama explained, there is a very strong, cultural tradition of asking for a woman’s hand in marriage in Angola called the alambamento, which consists of a series of rituals that come with marital engagement.  It was made very clear from all of the SUSI students that family approval is extremely important and central to a successful marriage.  The groom must receive the approval of the bride’s family, and it only occurs if everyone is in agreement that the wedding should happen.  The couple decides on a date for the request of their marriage, and the aunt and uncle of the bride lead it.  I asked them, “what if you don’t know your aunt or uncle that well, or if they live too far away to come?” And immediately they all agreed that you would know then well enough, because family is so important and they would make the trip to come no matter how far.  It reminded me of the collectivistic nature of their culture rather than the individualistic nature of my own.  Then, the groom is given a list of things to bring to the approval date, in order to show how much he cares for the bride and her family.  The uncles make the list, and it serves as compensation for all that has been spent on the bride since birth through her wedding day.  Kama said the list can be even more extensive and the approval even more difficult if the bride is pregnant before the marriage, as that is highly frowned upon.  As I could have guessed, some of the more traditional practices are fading away in regions of Angola and even Africa entirely.  The more conservative insist on maintaining the traditions as the more progressive have moved away from these practices, but overall, family and collectivism is highly valued and is part of everyday life.