Paired Writing Activity

Tengende Hastings and Alek Nyberg

Tengende and I naturally have very different backgrounds when it comes to culture.  I was born and raised here in America (born in Texas, raised in Lincoln), while Tengende is from Zimbabwe, a border country between South Africa, Mozambique, Botswana, and Zambia.  There are many cultural aspects that differ tremendously between our cultures, and one of the ones we found most fascinating was that of dating and marriage.  Dating and relationships are a huge part of our everyday lives, especially in our college years, and what came as a shock to both of us was how differently our respective cultures handle dating, especially during the teen years, and ultimately how marriage is treated in both cultures.

First of all, American dating and Zimbabwean dating are treated completely differently in society.  In America, there are very few issues when it comes to sharing with your family that you are in a relationship with someone.  Yes there are some parents who forbid their children from dating until they reach a certain age, but a large majority ultimately doesn’t mind who their children date (the most controversial aspect of sharing would be if the relationship is a same-sex relationship, of which that is a huge issue today).  With Zimbabwe however, dating must be much more secretive, especially during the teen years.  As Tengende puts it, when one gets to be around 16-18, the most likely age to start a serious relationship, the person is not experienced enough with the ideas and aspects of a romantic relationship, of which their parents frown upon.  It is customary in Zimbabwe that the adults look after their children until they are sure that the children can go off on their own, and therefore dating during that age period is frowned upon.  If one is in a relationship, they would most likely want to hide it from their parents.  This has dwindled recently though, as a more Western idea of dating is becoming more popular.  One similarity however, is that there are regions in Zimbabwe, like America, that oppose same-sex marriage highly, although there are a growing number  supporters in the country.  

Marriage traditions also vary wildly between both of our cultures.  Zimbabwean marriages are very traditional, there is a certain way to go about a wedding.  It almost seems that in Zimbabwe, the male essentially pays for the female’s hand in marriage.  The male pays her family to talk and spend time with her, and they ultimately pay the family reimbursement for marrying their daughter.  Because of this, there is more importance leaning towards the male side of the family household, at least in theory and tradition.  American weddings on the other hand, are rather hard to describe, for there is not one way to have one.  Most American weddings involve the stereotypical view of a long white dress and a large cake with an exchange of gifts and vows, but also on the other hand there is an increasing number of weddings that do not follow this traditional format.  There seems to be more sway nowadays on non-traditional weddings, or small informal weddings that rid of all the pomp and bombast of the stereotypical wedding.  This is far removed from the very traditional approach to the weddings of Zimbabwe.

It was with this that we realized a fundamental difference between both of our cultures.  Zimbabwean culture is heavily rooted in time honored traditions.  It is true that the culture is changing and becoming less strict on following those traditions, but the traditions still heavily permeate their society.  On the other hand, America, being the large blend of cultures that it is, especially in modern times tends to shirk tradition in order to favor a more individualistic approach.  Tradition seems to be forgotten for now individual, original avenues of doing various things, for we as a culture prize those that do new and different things.  Both cultures easily have their benefits to society, it is impossible to say whether one culture does it “right”, for there is no answer to that question.

Having the opportunity to talk with Tengende was an amazing experience I will not soon forget.  It appeared throughout our conversation many times that Tengende was indeed much more knowledgeable and reflective about cultural aspects than I was.  I had always thought I had a solid grasp on culture and how it works, but I was truly humbled by his insight.  It made me appreciate foreign cultures and their different ways more than I ever did before, and I am truly thankful for this very special and informative opportunity.